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#2 Hang back and just observe the group until you get the feel for things before you start commenting.


#3 Post an intro if you feel good about doing so. It allows current group members and the coaches to know you are there and welcome you.


#4 Tips for Maximizing the Group and Posting Comments:

This is a "code of engagement" written by one of the guys in the group to help you feel confident about posting in the group in such a way to offers the greatest value and the least potential for offence:

1. Self-reference:
When getting into personal content, using "I" statements like "When X happens *I* tend to have Y reaction." Instead of "When X happens *you* do or feel this or that." Instead of "You know when you're driving and someone cuts you off - it really pisses you off!" Saying "When I'm driving and someone cuts me off I get angry!" Communication seems to work much better when everyone (except the coach) abstains from describing other people's experiences. You don't know what happens to me, or how I choose to respond to things, and I don't know that about you. At least it's smart and effective to assume not.

2. Self-ownership:
Referring to ideas and experiences with the assumption that we're always at choice, ultimately, and are therefore responsible for our own reactions to things. If something "triggers me" I am wiser and more effective when I say "I'm having a trigger reaction to this" or "This is a trigger for me" instead of "I am triggered by____." "I'm triggered by" places the power onto the outer event or person and enables victim consciousness. Whereas "This is a trigger for me" properly places the power in my hands and gives me the option of transforming it.

3. Self-empowerment:
We all agree that we're in this group to work on OURSELVES and to get into the nitty gritty of our OWN internal blocks. Self-defense is 100% UNnecessary and a core element of why we're here in the first place. When we feel the need to defend ourselves here, we take the opportunity to accept and love the part of ourselves that feels threatened, and unravel the mechanism that's reacting, versus projecting our power onto the coach or another man.

4. Abstain from unsolicited advice-giving or over stepping Michelle as the leadership of the group:
(she is the only coach in the group and your coach not a conquest or peer when in the group or a class)
We do not offer advice, or contrasting feedback to other men, unless it is requested (or implied by the man's post presented as a question.) Unless advice or feedback is requested, our job is to support and encourage whatever power we observe already present in that man. In some cases, it might serve to ask another man "May I offer my perspective on that?" (As long as rules 1,2 & 3 are honored in the offer.)

5. Shared vision:
We all hold the vision of ourselves and one-another as powerful, non-reactive, present, actualized, integrated, mature and compassionate men. We consciously use every interaction in this group to facilitate ourselves and one-another toward that end.